i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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