she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
