I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
