She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
