How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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