i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
