A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
