Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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