and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
