I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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