You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize