THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
