u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
