I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
