I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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