Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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