holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
