I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize