the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
