I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
