i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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