Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
