So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
