i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
