listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
