whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
