I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
