she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
