I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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