Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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