I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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