you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
