The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
