I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
