if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
