Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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