Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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