Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
