we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
