Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
