If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
