i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
