I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
either way he was missing a nipple.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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