then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
