everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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