please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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