Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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