White coat. Heels.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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