she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
