i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
