i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
