my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
