Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
