i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
