roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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