I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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