UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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