so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
