The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
