Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Me too!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
