you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
