just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
