TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
