I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
