Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
