buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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