In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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