So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
